I know we are not the only people that think this. But I also know that there are lots of couples out there that have never had an argument. And that think that marriage is rainbows and butterflies. We are NOT those people. If you are one of those people... just wait. Juuuusttt you wait.
William and I talk a lot about our marriage. I'm not sure how much progress we have made. But we know that keeping the lines of communication open is half of the battle. We talk about what's good, what's bad and even what's ugly. We talk about ways to change, what we refuse to change, and things we have no idea how to change.
Doing this from far away is especially difficult. We are busy. We have completely separate lives right now.
Here are some things that have kept me going. Words that have given me and us things to think about and inspiration for wanting to strive to always be the best wife I can be.
Recognize I need God’s help.
- John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
- Luke 9:24 “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”
- Ephesians 4:32 “And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you.”
- I Peter 5:8 “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
- Ephesians 5:33 “Let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.”
- Ephesians 2:10 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
- 1 Corinthians 13:12 “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
- Genesis 2:24 “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
I struggle with many of these things. It is absolutely in human nature to resist most of them. I have a hard time expecting nothing in return. I've put lots of effort into things my whole life. And I expect to see results. This lends me to expect things when I've put hard work into things for William. And I know that's wrong. I also know that I really struggle with always defending my marriage. Because I like to complain. This has got to stop. Now don't think I'm hard on myself. I also can recognize that some of these I'm great at. Like always advocating for my spouse's purpose in life. I have always supported him 100%. I will go to the end's of the earth to make sure that he is doing what he is called to do. Right now it's the Army. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I also enjoy growing in the adventure of knowing and being known. I didn't always. But now I do.
Ten Things That Make the Most Difference from my favorite blog Today's Letters
It's a long post... so I'll just post a few of my favorites... Please go read the whole thing... They are amazing people and their words make me so happy!
4. We (try and) Conflict Well: Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but we believe it exists to make us better, not bitter. We try and keep short accounts with one other by sharing our disappointments and hurt feelings. This isn't always easy but it's necessary in maintaining marital oneness. From experience we know there's nothing more damaging to our relationship than harbored bitterness.
5. We Play Together: Husband and I have chosen to be active together. Whether it's tossing the Frisbee, flying our kite, going on walks, participating in adventure races, reading bedtime stories, or building forts in our living room, playing together has helped us find our inner child. It has also reminded me that being active together can be romantic. After all, deep down I know Husband wants me to be his sidekick when it comes to doing "guy things" with him. Realizing this has been critical in helping us stay connected both physically and emotionally.
7. We Celebrate Each Other: Husband and I love to make a big deal out of anniversaries,birthdays, holidays, and even smaller personal accomplishments. We are each other's biggest fans, and finding a thoughtful gift or preparing a special meal can make the biggest difference in helping us feel known, loved, and celebrated.
8. We Don't Do Marriage Alone: Our trusted friends have been incredibly helpful in showing us how to work through some of the bigger issues in our marriage. It wasn't always easy to share these struggles because of our pride and embarrassment, but soon we realized that most couples were struggling with the same things we were. We've learned that isolating only hinders us from truly dealing with our hurts, habits, and hang-ups.
And I think one of the most important things I've learned is that:
Conflict can be redemptive.
Don't know what redemption means? I'll save you the google.
Redemption:
/rɪˈdɛm(p)ʃ(ə)n/
noun
[mass noun]
- 1 the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil:God's plans for the redemption of his world
- 2 the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt.
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