inCONCEIVable

After three rounds of clomid, after countless doctor appointments and internal ultrasounds, after lots of tense moments, we have managed to get PREGNANT!

I can't believe it.  This baby is already a miracle.  I had three internal ultrasounds this cycle.  All concluding the same thing... I didn't ovulate, the cycle was failed, nothing worked.

On Monday I decided to call my doctor to get a prescription of provera.  I was on cycle day 36 and I was sick of waiting around for my period.  I was extremely crampy and I figured my period just wasn't going to start on it's own.  They called me in an RX and we went to pick it up after a shopping trip.  I grabbed a two pack of pregnancy tests to double check before I started the meds.  Provera can be lethal to a fetus... so I always take a test before starting it.  I fully expected it to be negative.  When we got home William and I both had to go to the bathroom so we divided and conquered.  I took the test and as I was watching it develop I was like "That's weird, the control line is normally farther over."  The test continued to develop though and another line showed up.  I think my jaw hit the ground.  I was in complete shock.  I immediately thought about taking the other one but knew there was no way I had any urine left to do that.  I just stood there for a minute.  There were two very dark pink lines.  I've always heard that "barely positive" tests could be false positives so my first thought was... "Well, maybe one of the meds I took this month is causing a false positive".

When William and I reconvened in the living room, I motioned him over to look at the test.  I think he was like "Seriously? No way." I frantically started calling doctors (which always results in leaving messages).  They called back eventually and confirmed that this was not a false positive.  Before they had called back I had already taken a few more tests.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for 2:45 on Friday July 8th.  I will be 6 weeks and 5 days then... hopefully everything looks good.  There is still a big chance of miscarrying but I'm going to try to stay positive.

So the things I want to remember about this week are... We bought Texas A&M onesies on Monday before finding out we were pregnant.  William even let me.  I think it was our little sign from God.

I loved Dana's reaction... she screamed... that made me happy.

5 week stats:

Baby is the size of a sesame seed.

This week the heart starts pumping blood.

I will start making extra blood for myself and in a few weeks I'll have 40% more than normal.

Symptoms:

I wish I had more... because it would make me feel like things were fine.

So far just peeing a lot more often.

I've been pretty tired.

I have some uterine cramping... but no bleeding.

Also, when I get hungry... I'm HUNGRY! (Ask Dana.)

Cravings:

Escalante's Queso

Peyton

We are too busy for this...

This morning I got a scary phone call... It went a little like this:
Groggy Peyton: Hello?
William: Hi babe, do we have guaze, or an ace bandage or hydrogen peroxide?
Much More Awake Peyton: What?! Huh?! No.... I can go get some right now.  What happened?
William: I'm bleeding... a lot.  I felt at work and cut my leg.  But I'm okay.  It's just bleeding... a lot.
Angry Peyton: DO YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!
William: No I need a shower first.
Not-So-Amused by William's Priorities Peyton: Umm... the hospital doesn't care how dirty you are.  Do you need a hospital.
William: No I'm coming home but I have no idea how long it will take me to get there. There's a lot of traffic.


Needless to say William has a big gash down the front of his leg.  It's also swollen.  Something about falling into a hole on the "catwalk" on the rig floor.  My professional evaluation included a recommendation to go see an actual licensed medical professional.  One problem... since William got hurt at work... NO ONE WILL TOUCH HIM.  This makes me angry... I don't want to deal with the whole worker's comp mess.  I just want to take my husband to the doctor and use our medical insurance to get him looked at.  No we won't sue anybody.  Grr... I might sue you if you don't let me bring my husband to see the doctor.

He's asleep now.  It's been reported.  We've talked to the Worker's Comp nurse who recommends he "cover up the cut before returning to work".  Excuse my expletive but "NO SH*T"! Such sound advice. Oh and... "you should probably get a tetanus booster".  Lovely.

In the meantime... I'm cleaning the house, getting ready for company, and doing a million other things to get ready for our busy weekend.

We are going to dinner with our friends Erin and Mike and Erin's parents house.
Tonight Dana and Pat are coming to stay with us.
Tomorrow we are going to a wedding and Christine and Eric who are also going to the wedding are staying with us.
Then we may head down to the Houston area for the next several days to relax and what not.

I'll keep you posted on William's condition.  He'll probably live.  Or his leg will fall off.  Oh well.

Wisteria Halter Dress - Anthropologie

See this dress... I tried it on several weeks ago and I loved it.  Well it also happens to be from Anthropologie.  I don' t know if you have ever shopped there... but it's expensive.  Rightfully so, I mean the clothes are beautiful.  Anyways, fast forward to today.  I go to the mall just to get something from Apple.  I have to walk right by Anthropologie and I see they are having a sale.  Worth stopping to look I guess.  So I go in and that dress is nearly 50% off! Still cute... duh.  So I grab the dress in the size I tried on before and try it on one more time for good measure.  It's the only size they have that would come close to fitting me (since I'm not a 0 or 2 yet) so I was jumping up and down that it was the right size.  One problem.... it doesn't fit anymore.  It's too big.  Like way too big! I was so sad... so I left feeling torn that it was too big but I couldn't buy it.

Well my smart husband suggested I look for it online,  Genius right? Well I found it.  But I don't know what size to get.  Because the one I tired on was seriously too big.  So do I go two sizes down? Or one? Ugh... well I checked the return policy and I can return the one that doesn't fit! Yay!

So I'm officially purchasing a "Dana" dress.  Why is it a Dana dress? I don't know it just looks like something she would wear... I think it's the neckline and the way it ties in the back.  I used to leave Dana dresses for Dana... because I could never pull them off.  But I think I'll steal some of her style now if she doesn't mind! There were also some "Nicole" skirts on sale.  I didn't have time to try any on, but I loved them.  Nicole- quick! Anthro is having a sale on skirts you would love! Run there... fast!

* Does anyone else do that? Name clothing categories based on who would buy them and love them.  I do... maybe I'm crazy.

Could it be ours?

Blog World... meet our new house!
It's not officially ours yet... but it doesn't mean we aren't in love!
Hopefully a month from tomorrow we will have the keys :)

Here are our favorite parts...
It's 4 bedroom (you know, for the hoards of small children we have) and 3 bathrooms (so that William, Lucy and I can all be in our own bathroom at the same time).  It's kind of a small huge interior corner lot. It's a "ranch house".  No we don't have cows... it just means it's all on the same level.  It's in Richardson one street over from our zoned elementary school in RISD and the neighborhood pool/ Splash Park/ Play ground/ baseball field (since I'm so good at baseball and all).  Our kids will someday be able to walk to school!

Here are our favorite rooms:
Sidenote: the family that currently owns this has some what of a gaudy gold and red and BIG furniture style.  Please ignore.  Think open and airy and neutral :)

Here's the front... overgrown trees and all... that will be taken care of.  Pablo the yard boy (aka my dad) promises to mow it every week :)  Right, Dad?

Front door.

 The living rooms... I love the fireplace.

The dining room.  Directly behind the living room. 

Kitchen.  Lots of counterspace! 

Did I forget to mention there is a bonus room (it's not one of the 4 bedrooms)!!

It's a built in office! Love it! Orange will go away quickly.

Awesome bathroom! I love the high sinks, the build in vanity... best of all his and hers closets, a huge soaking tub and a separate massive shower! 

And last but not least... Lucy's favorite room:

The scary part... that's not even half of the yard. 

Now, the house is oldish... so it has some quirks.  One of  which is definitely the office space.  The other and by far the most quirky part of the house is that if we need to make a quick exit, there is an exterior door in the master bathroom.  You know... just in case you need to get away while taking a shower.  But alas after looking at several houses... we knew we could learn to live with an extra exterior door (there are 6 in the house actually) way more than some of the other compromises we saw in other houses. 

We can't wait to show everyone what it's like with our stuff in it... once we get stuff to fill it.  Nonetheless, we are going to be really prepared for visitors.  Just don't all show up at once... actually you probably could.

Reproductive Endocrinologist

"We met with Dr. Bookout today.  First impression... he is very old.  William says I'm a horrible person for noting this.  Oh well.  The good news is, he has seen it all.  He remembers days before IVF and other treatments and has seemed to embrace each new advance.

He did a brief history, an internal sonogram (my fav), and then we talked about the "plan".

I liked how he complimented our decision to start trying now.  He said our prognosis was very good since we are both young and in good health.  He also said that couples going through IVF at an older age have a much higher chance of having a child with developmental disorders.  He said that my exam was normal.  So that's good.

So here's the plan.  We are changing drugs... I'm going to take Femara, which is a drug that promotoes FSH production by filling estrogen receptors in the brain. It's similar to Clomid... but different.  He said that while the old way of thinking used to only try one method per cycle (so like take 5 days of Clomid... then wait and wait and wait... even if you KNOW it didn't work), now studies have shown it's safe to piggy back treatments.  There is no "cycle" to mess up, so there is really no reason to wait.  I find that reassuring.  We might as well be efficient with our time.  So what's it going to look like this cycle?
We aren't sure.  He is going to "individualize" my treatment based on what my body does...YAY! I'm not a fan of cookbook treatments so this makes me happy.  Theoretically here is what could happen.  After my period I start taking the Femara.  We start at the lowest dose and take it for 5 days.  Then do an ultrasound to see if it worked... if it didn't, then we hit it will a higher dose of Femara... then an ultrasound... you get the idea.  He said that if we see follicles, but none of them select like last time, we could hit small ones with Follistim (straight FSH) to move them along.

He did bring up the scary M word several times.  We are at a very high risk for multiples.  I most likely have good eggs and once things start working they will work WELL.  He kept throwing out the words "twins" and "triplets".  Little does he know we would be thrilled... and I think we are going to have a house big enough by then!
Peyton

Books books books

So far this year I have read...
The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
House Rules by Jodi Piccoult
Breaking Night by Liz Murray
The Help by Kathryn Stockett

So I should have read 6 books by now... but I'm hoping I can catch up over the summer.  I keep startying The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo over and over but I can't get into it.  So I'm going to try the Hunger Games Series.

If you have not read The Help... READ IT.  NOW. I loved Breaking Night as well but it didn't read quite as easily.  Both good options.

Tomorrow, tomorrow!

Sooo exctied! I can't wait! I've been giddy all day! Yay! Yay!

No period yet... good news for us!
Peyton

Counting Down

I've never been so excited about a doctor's appointment.  I'm wondering at what point I'll stop being hopeful.  So far I can keep being hopeful that a new doctor will solve our problem.  Well maybe not the doctor, but a new treatment.  I'm so ready.

My period hasn't started yet. I see that as a good thing.  Not for the obvious "I might be pregnant reason"... because I doubt that.  But more for the fact that if I haven't start before my appointment he will have a full cycle to treat me.  I really would hate to miss a cycle of treatment.  I'm home right now.  I have time.  My schedule is flexible for whatever doctor's appointments I need.  Also, if I get pregnant in July or August... I'll be due in March or April which will give me the end of the school year off and then all summer with my baby.  Love that idea. Of course... I don't care when I get pregnant.  As long as it happens.

Doctor's appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist is on Tuesday at 3:30pm!

Peyton

My Web Favorites

There are a couple of really cool things I wanted to tell you about that I've found on the web this week.  I have lots of free time right now so I've been on the computer a lot!

1. Pinterest

Pinterest is such an amazing website and concept.  Basically Pinterest lets you create digital bulletin boards for any kind of image you would want to collect.  It also is sort of like a social network, meaning you can follow other peoples boards and see what good ideas they are posting too.  I think it would be awesome for anyone redecorating, needing art inspiration, wanting to keep up with recipes, or track their future must haves for their closet.  When you "pin" something it keeps the original URL with it... so you can find your idea again! So awesome... no more cutting out pictures you like or printing them or bookmarking them on your web browser!

Here is an example of my "For The Home" board.  If you want to follow me, because you are already a member, like the link on my sidebar.  If you want to join, let me know and I'll send you an invitation!

2. Groupon
I'm sure many of you know about Groupon, but I'm constantly impressed with some of the deals on it.  I think like with anything Groupon must be used with self control (because if it's not it's just a waste of money), but it can be so useful.  Here are some of my favorite deals:
$10 for $20 at Old Navy
$25 for $50 at Run On!
$35 for $100 at a lighting store in Dallas (I bought this one yesterday and plan to use it in our new house!)
Two tickets to a comedy show for $14 (made a great cheap date night)

I get the emails every day and I just delete if I don't like the deal or investigate if I'm interested.  They aren't all worth it but I've seen deals for moving servies, expensive spa treatments, store credits (like the ones I have bought), golf deals and much more.
If you aren't a member yet, click here... I'll get credit if you do!

3. Young House Love
This blog and it's authors are amazing.  Read it if you own a home and ever want to do anything to it.  Love it!

4. Sherwin Williams "Paint Your Room"
If you are thinking of painting a room, this is an awesome tool.  You can take a picture of it and upload it into the Sherwin Williams website and then you can use the tools to paint different parts of it! I love it! It's incredibly useful if you are bad at visualizing things.

I hope you like my "web roundup".  The internet is such a wonderful tool and I'm constantly amazed with people's creative ideas for using it.  It has revolutionized our world... and it's not done yet either.

Hello Arthritis

For the past year and a half I have been unmedicated.  It's been fine.

Yesterday, though, my age old friend arthritis reared it's ugly head and entered my life with a vengeance.  Not sure what combination of life sparked this... but I do not miss it.

Go away RA.  I HATE YOU.

In the meantime I'm off to take a scalding hot shower and down handfuls of tylenol.

Too bad I'm too much of a "naturalist" to take anything stronger while trying to get pregnant.

15 lbs. down

In March I became extremely motivated to lose weight.  I had been gaining it since our wedding and it was time to get it off again.  My recent discovery of infertility was also a big motivating factor.  I knew that I had weight to lose.  And I knew that it could make a difference in me getting pregnant. So I was bound and determined to get rid of it quickly and the healthy way.

I used Weight Watchers in college and did really well on it.  It makes it so easy to lose weight and not give up things.  Plus by losing it slowly I know I maintained my weight for longer.  So in March I joined again.  Several of my cousins are doing it so it really helps to hear them talk about it and discuss points and things when we are together.  A little moral support always helps.

As yall know I was also running.  Now I had been running since last July and hadn't really lost any weight.  It wasn't until I stepped up my mileage AND started tracking everything I was eating that I made some real progress.  Now cutting intake and increasing activity level can be tricky.  Your body needs fuel to exercise but that's what is so great about Weight Watchers because it will tell you how much more you need to eat to even it out. It kind if sucks that I literally had to be doing both to lose weight... but I guess that's just how it goes!

So here I am... I've lost 15 pounds in 12 weeks.  Just fast enough to see the progress but slow enough for it to be healthy.  Works for me.  My goal is to lose 9 more pounds this summer.  There are about 8 weeks left before I start work again... so that should be easy enough!

Originally William wasn't supportive of my weight loss goals.  He said "he liked the way I was" and didn't think I needed to change anything.  It was a nice gesture, but I ignored him. However, since I've been losing the weight he has been EXTREMELY supportive.  He has even been helping me by cooking "low point" meals that we both like. Apparently I'm much more confident now and that makes him like me more :)

So what do you think? Is there a noticeable difference?

April 2011

June 2011

Anyways, just a little update.

A New Kind of Burn

This weekend I experienced a new kind of burn.  Well actually two new kinds.  It's the kind where someone who knows our entire situation, or has been someone I've confided in since the beginning says something not so nice... or gets pregnant... or maybe was pregnant when I was confiding in them. Ouch.

Some people are so supportive... some people's wives are not.  I'm thankful that William at least has someone to talk to... even if his wife is a total dummy about it.

And then I find out this morning that a couple is in our Sunday School Class is pregnant.  The wife is a total sweetheart and at a Sunday School function I confided in her about things.  When I came out on facebook, she was very supportive.  Finding out today that she was pregnant that whole time...Ouch. I mean I know she obviously meant well by being supportive.  But it makes the "I can imagine how hard it must be" seem so shallow now.

I've officially entered the baby blues stage.  I've held back tears this cycle until this weekend.  I cried to William telling him how sorry I am.  We were at a Catholic wedding this weekend which apparently brings out the baby fever in everyone.  There were comments left and right about starting families.  For once I felt like I wasn't the only one dodging them.  William was right in the middle too.  Which is why I apologized so much later on.

Everyone is pregnant.  I can't turn around with out seeing someone pregnant.  How come I never noticed this before? William has started warning me... "Don't turn around" or "Watch out behind you, there is a lady with twins in highchairs and is pregnant".  He notices too.  I'm not sure what hurts more.  The pang of emptiness I feel wash over me or the pang of sadness from him being aware now.

It has been a year.  Not to the day... but in June last year I stopped taking my birth control.  We were nervous and scared but hopeful.  I've managed to hang on to hope.  I also realize that it's easier because I haven't lost a baby yet.  When we entered this journey, we were fully aware that losing a baby would probably be on our plate.  My medical conditions will affect staying pregnant.  Now that we are in it, knowing how hard it has been to get pregnant, losing a baby seems like it will be the worst.

So here we are buying a big ole house... just hoping to fill it up.  I hope it's not jinxing our selves.  William and I decided that whatever the status of my ovaries and uterus in December we will start the adoption process.  We should be settled into our home by then and ready to set up house for a baby... which I think is the hardest thing about adoption. (Setting up your house before everything is official).  Someone... please promise me that I can have a baby shower even if I never get pregnant.  I mean you know if we adopt an infant.  I'm sure that sounds so selfish and materialistic.  But I can't help it.  It's something I think about all the time.

Okay... time to pick myself up off the floor... I have things to get done today.

Peyton

She Deserves Her Own Post

While Dana graciously thanked me for the shout out earlier today... I think it's safe to say she deserves her own post.

She is an awesome artist.  She claims to be amateur... but she is so much more than that.

She has a studio and therefore she is ready to paint!

Go visit her Saturday June 11, 2011 from 2pm to 5pm at Spring Street Studios. It is an open studio afternoon and artists are selling their work and showing off their galleries/studios!

You won't regret it!

Love you Dana! I'm so proud of you! You are such an inspiration to anyone scared to live passionately!

Monday's Day 15 Sono

I had another sonogram on Monday CD15.
My lining was apparently "beautiful" so it's good to know at least something worked.
I had no follicles... all the tiny ones had disappeared.
I didn't have any cycts or anything else remarkable though, which is good.

On to the RE.  Hoping works out that we don't have to go unmedicated for a month this summer.
Peyton

Defeating Boredom

It's no secret that I like to be creative.  I haven't always been able to wield a paint brush or pastel as well as my friends (see Dana's blog, Art and Soul for a glimpse of my talented friends), but what I lack in physical skill, I make up for in digital know how.  Now when I say know how I mean... Patience to comb through google search after search of "how-tos" to help me accomplish my goal.

So anyways, I was feeling a little bored on the third day of summer so I posted on Facebook asking if anyone wanted some design work done.  I had no idea anyone would be interested.  I mean I'm a speech pathologist after all... not a graphic designer.  But I guess that's how some people get started... because I got 5 messages yesterday asking for me to help them with something! Love it!

So there you have it.  Another hobby born.

So if you now anyone who might need some design work done... wedding invitations, wedding programs, table numbers, business cards, blog headers, blog buttons, etc. send them my way. At this point, I'll only be able to do flat printing... because I have no idea where to get something printed in letterpress (the raised printing).  Other than that... I take direction well or I have plenty of my own ideas if that's what you need.

I'm going to be posting examples of my work under the Design Work header up at the top of my blog.

Here's to not being bored!

Catch Up Post

I spent the last two weeks of school struggling to keep my head above water.  We are fighting a "law suit" (it's actually called a due process hearing... the special education version of a law suit) and it made the last two weeks of school extremely stressful.  My *favorite* teacher spent her last days at our school pouring over this situation with me and while I was grateful to get to spend extra time with her during her last week, it was sad to spend it the way we did.

Mrs. Mathews and Mrs. Stephens on the last day of school

(P.S. It is still weird to be called Mrs. Stephens....)

William has still been working with Halliburton.  They have kept him busy, but overall we are happy because he is being compensated very well and also getting to stay in the Dallas area.  They are also really "developing" his skills by exposing him to new tools and putting him on some experimental rigs.  He really appreciates this because the only thing worse than doing something that requires crazy hours is never learning anything new.

Our big news is that we are buying a house.  We put our first offer on a house on Tuesday morning.  Although, there seemed to be some miscommunication between our realtor and the seller's agent. It didn't work out and we walked away today.  We will see what happens... they might change their mind. I am going to keep looking with our realtor and if we find any gems we will take William to see them.  There are a couple of others that we liked initially so they have kind of gone to the top of our list.

Jonna and Bryan gave me this awesome camera strap for my birthday!

It was also time for new running shoes.  These are very similar to my old shoes... but a tad different.  And how could I possibly resist my favorite color!

I also haven't posted any pictures from Timmy's graduation weekend... but here is my favorite one of all the Stephens siblings together (expect hubby).

This weekend we are headed to Mike and Erin's wedding.  William is a groomsman in it and I'll be tagging along obviously.  We are so excited for Mike and Erin. Mike was William's "longest" roommate in college and they are in the same National Guard unit.  I know they will always have a special place in our lives because in the case of deployment they would most likely be together... which makes me feel soooo much better. I'm thrilled to get to use my camera this weekend and will post pictures soon after!

William and Mike will be twins again this weekend when they are both sporting their Army Dress Blues... ahhh, men in uniform! Can't wait!

Schools out and I'm staying home

Well... school is out and without further ado I'm announcing that I'm staying home this summer.  No summer job for me.  My doctor suggested I take it easy and hopefully something will work in our favor over the summer.

Hmm... maybe I can get a real vacation now.

Round 2... or is it 3?

Written last week:
* Warning... this post contains way too much information....

Today is Day 3 of my cycle... so I went for my regular day 3 sonogram...
I say regular, but I sure hope it's my LAST day 3 sonogram.

It was quite an experience.  When you are going through the process of getting pregnant all your inhibitions and your comfort zone goes out the window.  Let's just say internal sonogram on day 3... you do the math on that one. Gross.

So today I begin the Clomid as my ovaries were looking "normal" and my endometrial lining was looking "nonexistent".  Wonderful. It's currently 2mm and needs to be at least 8mm if not 18mm to support pregnancy. This is the part where it gets complicated.  Because even if the Clomid works and egg meets sperm I would only be chemically pregnant unless the little blob "sticks" to the lining.  So we have to combat both issues. Worst news for this is that the opposite hormones control each mechanism (ovulation and endometrial thickening).  That's the need for the estrogen following the Clomid.

On Day 12 I get to go back for another sonogram.  I'm praying for there to be some beautifully large follicles there that day.  If there are... we will go ahead with IUI, providing that William's schedule cooperates.

Written today:

Today is Day 12... no follicles were dominant.  This means that I had some tiny tiny follicles on my ovaries and my endometrial lining did develop a tri-laminar state however no follicles were large enough to be consider viable candidates to make a baby.  He is having me come back on Monday to declare it a failed cycle. I will go see the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) as soon as he can see me.

It's been a rough week.  I've decided to take the summer off completely to try and get my body in order and hopefully start making some progress on this baby growing.
Peyton