If only they knew how much it hurts to know you can't even joke about it... because it's not even possible.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Ugh
For every person who thinks it's hilarious to fake a pregnancy as an April Fool's joke... there are probably a few people who thinks it's horrible.
If only they knew how much it hurts to know you can't even joke about it... because it's not even possible.
If only they knew how much it hurts to know you can't even joke about it... because it's not even possible.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Running Check In
If you haven't checked out my running stats page in a few days... you should.
I am newly determined to lose weight... to help with some other health issues I've got going on (you know in addition to all my usual ones) and because who doesn't want to look skinny during wedding season!
So I'm back running with a vengeance. So far this week I've run close to 12 miles.
I'm going to run again on Thursday and also this Saturday.
I'm feeling good about it. And William is really trying to be supportive.
I am newly determined to lose weight... to help with some other health issues I've got going on (you know in addition to all my usual ones) and because who doesn't want to look skinny during wedding season!
So I'm back running with a vengeance. So far this week I've run close to 12 miles.
I'm going to run again on Thursday and also this Saturday.
I'm feeling good about it. And William is really trying to be supportive.
Monday, March 28, 2011
I'm serious
So here is the deal...
I take my job seriously. And I should.
I am not a doctor, or a nurse, or the president, or an investment banker... but I have a lot of responsibility.
I always knew that my job was important, but I never realized how much power I held until... well today, I guess.
Today I qualified a child for special education services. She will receive modified instruction in the public school system and most likely continue receiving modified instruction for the rest of her school career... because of this she will only be eligible for junior college and an associate's degree. That's important.
And yes-- it was an "ARD committee" decision... but I played a huge part in that decision. The other members listen to what I say. Parents place their children's education in my hands.
I also dismissed a child from services today. He "graduated" from speech services. His parents were thankful (even though I got him when the hard work was done). When he was first placed in special education at the age of 3 he was completely unintelligible.
Tomorrow I will tell a parent that their child can no longer remain in the general education classroom. She needs a more restrictive environment. She is not making progress in the general education curriculum and needs to work on "prerequisite" skills. It will be a tough one but it's necessary.
I will also fight for some kids who are falling through the cracks tomorrow. One of them several people above me feel should be moved to a more restrictive environment... but I'm not so sure. Because of this I will fight to make sure that every thing is tried before we get to that point.
I also did therapy today. I watched a kiddo's eyes light up when he understood a story. I watched a kiddo that normally hates coming to therapy run to his chair and quickly open the book to the page we left off on last time. He even volunteered to read... he can barely read.
Sometimes I forget how important what I do is. I feel like the "new girl". And people think I'm just a "teacher" - not that teacher's aren't great... I'm just not just a teacher. I have to be careful... because I hold kiddos' futures in my hand.
That's pretty awesome. And I take it very seriously.
I take my job seriously. And I should.
I am not a doctor, or a nurse, or the president, or an investment banker... but I have a lot of responsibility.
I always knew that my job was important, but I never realized how much power I held until... well today, I guess.
Today I qualified a child for special education services. She will receive modified instruction in the public school system and most likely continue receiving modified instruction for the rest of her school career... because of this she will only be eligible for junior college and an associate's degree. That's important.
And yes-- it was an "ARD committee" decision... but I played a huge part in that decision. The other members listen to what I say. Parents place their children's education in my hands.
I also dismissed a child from services today. He "graduated" from speech services. His parents were thankful (even though I got him when the hard work was done). When he was first placed in special education at the age of 3 he was completely unintelligible.
Tomorrow I will tell a parent that their child can no longer remain in the general education classroom. She needs a more restrictive environment. She is not making progress in the general education curriculum and needs to work on "prerequisite" skills. It will be a tough one but it's necessary.
I will also fight for some kids who are falling through the cracks tomorrow. One of them several people above me feel should be moved to a more restrictive environment... but I'm not so sure. Because of this I will fight to make sure that every thing is tried before we get to that point.
I also did therapy today. I watched a kiddo's eyes light up when he understood a story. I watched a kiddo that normally hates coming to therapy run to his chair and quickly open the book to the page we left off on last time. He even volunteered to read... he can barely read.
Sometimes I forget how important what I do is. I feel like the "new girl". And people think I'm just a "teacher" - not that teacher's aren't great... I'm just not just a teacher. I have to be careful... because I hold kiddos' futures in my hand.
That's pretty awesome. And I take it very seriously.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Getting Things Done Sunday
Here's my to do list... Lack of motivation has made me resort to publicly posting it... so that hopefully I'll be more accountable to getting it done.
1. Run Done... I ran 3.1 miles already. So thankful that I did.
2.Fold all the clothes... There are piles... ugh... that's what traveling does to someone. Check.
3.Put away the above folded clothes.
4. File... and get all of last years files packed up so I have more room in the filing cabinet.
5. Clean andvaccum
6.Get my meals organized for this week
7.Do some paperwork
These probably won't get accomplished today... but numbers 2,3,6 and 7 must!
1.
2.
3.
4. File... and get all of last years files packed up so I have more room in the filing cabinet.
5. Clean and
6.
7.
These probably won't get accomplished today... but numbers 2,3,6 and 7 must!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Second Opinion
Yesterday I got a second opinion on my infertility issues.
I saw a nice doctor who apparently trained my old doctor... At first I was like "Oh good, how can he be better if he trained her". But apparently she forgot everything he taught her.
It was a very hard visit. I'm getting tired of going to these things alone.
We talked about everything that has happened thus far. He pointed out the many flaws in my recent treatment and exactly why we should be doing things differently.
Then the worst part... I had a sonogram. Part of me was hoping he'd put my body up on the screen and there would be a little "bean" swimming around in there. But there wasn't. There actually wasn't anything in there. No uterine lining, no follicles on my ovaries... just big FAT nothing. It hurt so bad to look at this screen that will one day show my my baby and see nothing. He printed out several pictures... seeing them print hurt even more. Those pictures are supposed to be happy things. They are supposed to be full of hope. But mine weren't. Mine were just documentation of my "ineffective clomid regimen". His words, not mine. I normally can hold it together at the doctor... but I fought with tears the whole appointment.
So here is our plan:
1) Sperm Analysis. Let me tell you... William. is. thrilled.
It makes sense though. Basically if we are going to drop several grand on every attempt at getting pregnant we don't want to just be throwing money down the drain... or umm... into my uterus.
2) Day 3 AND Day 21 labs.
Up until this point I've only been doing Day 21 labs. Apparently those were a waste of my time at this point. Day 3 labs include FSH, TSH, and prolactin. These will tell us if my pituitary gland and thyroid are working right.
3)HSG- hysterosalpingogram. Sounds fun right?
This is an x-ray where radioactive dye is shot into the uterus and forced up the fallopian tubes. It will show if there are any anatomical anomalies in the uterus and fallopian tubes. We are going to put this off for a little bit because it's apparently "uncomfortable" and this type of defect only affects 5% of women struggling with infertility.
We talked about all the reasons why this could be happening. Things like RA, birth control, stress, and body weight. He said we would probably never know.
I'm going to try to eliminate one of those problems though. Right now my BMI is around 29... which is pretty high. So I'm going to start seriously tracking what I'm eating. My goal is to lose 25 lbs... maybe 30 if everything goes well. I want to lose 15 lbs. by my birthday. I'm sure I can do it... I think I lost 10 just by running the past few months. I don't want to be the reason I'm not pregnant. That would suck.
We also discussed how William's traveling coupled with infertility could really hinder us getting pregnant. He suggested that we might look into storing sperm for when William wasn't home and I am ovulating. Sort of seems insane that I would get pregnant when William isn't even around... but I guess if that's how it has to happen then that's fine.
I'll update again soon with how things are going... but for right now I'm just going to be relaxing and waiting for William to get home so we can do the sperm analysis. After that we are going to consult and make up a new plan.
William was supportive yesterday despite it being his birthday. I asked him if he was glad that we found this out now... he said he was. I know he was always a little hesitant to start this process but I think now we are both really glad we did.
I saw a nice doctor who apparently trained my old doctor... At first I was like "Oh good, how can he be better if he trained her". But apparently she forgot everything he taught her.
It was a very hard visit. I'm getting tired of going to these things alone.
We talked about everything that has happened thus far. He pointed out the many flaws in my recent treatment and exactly why we should be doing things differently.
Then the worst part... I had a sonogram. Part of me was hoping he'd put my body up on the screen and there would be a little "bean" swimming around in there. But there wasn't. There actually wasn't anything in there. No uterine lining, no follicles on my ovaries... just big FAT nothing. It hurt so bad to look at this screen that will one day show my my baby and see nothing. He printed out several pictures... seeing them print hurt even more. Those pictures are supposed to be happy things. They are supposed to be full of hope. But mine weren't. Mine were just documentation of my "ineffective clomid regimen". His words, not mine. I normally can hold it together at the doctor... but I fought with tears the whole appointment.
So here is our plan:
1) Sperm Analysis. Let me tell you... William. is. thrilled.
It makes sense though. Basically if we are going to drop several grand on every attempt at getting pregnant we don't want to just be throwing money down the drain... or umm... into my uterus.
2) Day 3 AND Day 21 labs.
Up until this point I've only been doing Day 21 labs. Apparently those were a waste of my time at this point. Day 3 labs include FSH, TSH, and prolactin. These will tell us if my pituitary gland and thyroid are working right.
3)HSG- hysterosalpingogram. Sounds fun right?
This is an x-ray where radioactive dye is shot into the uterus and forced up the fallopian tubes. It will show if there are any anatomical anomalies in the uterus and fallopian tubes. We are going to put this off for a little bit because it's apparently "uncomfortable" and this type of defect only affects 5% of women struggling with infertility.
We talked about all the reasons why this could be happening. Things like RA, birth control, stress, and body weight. He said we would probably never know.
I'm going to try to eliminate one of those problems though. Right now my BMI is around 29... which is pretty high. So I'm going to start seriously tracking what I'm eating. My goal is to lose 25 lbs... maybe 30 if everything goes well. I want to lose 15 lbs. by my birthday. I'm sure I can do it... I think I lost 10 just by running the past few months. I don't want to be the reason I'm not pregnant. That would suck.
We also discussed how William's traveling coupled with infertility could really hinder us getting pregnant. He suggested that we might look into storing sperm for when William wasn't home and I am ovulating. Sort of seems insane that I would get pregnant when William isn't even around... but I guess if that's how it has to happen then that's fine.
I'll update again soon with how things are going... but for right now I'm just going to be relaxing and waiting for William to get home so we can do the sperm analysis. After that we are going to consult and make up a new plan.
William was supportive yesterday despite it being his birthday. I asked him if he was glad that we found this out now... he said he was. I know he was always a little hesitant to start this process but I think now we are both really glad we did.
Random Saturday...
See that little box over on my sidebar that says "Follow Me by Email". Well, it lets you do just that. Basically you type your email in the box if you want my posts emailed to you. I think it's pretty cool.
My running has come to a stand still. I'm having serious motivation issues... I'm thinking about modifying my goal. I'm a little worried that maybe it was just a tad too lofty for me. It's not that I don't think I can do it... It's just that I think I got a little burned out. I think my new goal will be something like run 2-3 miles every other day. I'm going to see how this week goes though... and then readjust.
I rejoined Weight Watchers today. I thought about trying out the paleo diet... but I think for right now I really just need to get on the right track in losing weight and then I can try out something more drastic. I know how weight watchers works and I am excited that they have an iPhone app.
There are about 44 more school days left. Also only 17 days until William comes home which is very exciting. I'm a little sad that I won't be able to see him all dressed up in his blues for graduation though. Since graduation is on a Tuesday, I've decided not to go. It's TAKS season and I really can't afford to miss school right now. Maybe I'll make William put on his uniform when he gets home.
Wedding season is coming up. We have a wedding almost every weekend starting the last weekend in April. I'm probably going to get some gifts bought now since our income will lull a little bit when William comes home until all his Halliburton pay kicks back in. William is in two of the weddings... so that's going to be extra exciting. Troy and his fiance Chelsea even asked me to be a part of their wedding which is exciting!
I'm a little nervous what William going back to Halliburton is going to be like. I'm going to stop thinking about it for now though.
Well I guess that's about all I have for this lazy Saturday. I've got some grocery shopping to do and some cleaning/organizing to do around here.
My running has come to a stand still. I'm having serious motivation issues... I'm thinking about modifying my goal. I'm a little worried that maybe it was just a tad too lofty for me. It's not that I don't think I can do it... It's just that I think I got a little burned out. I think my new goal will be something like run 2-3 miles every other day. I'm going to see how this week goes though... and then readjust.
I rejoined Weight Watchers today. I thought about trying out the paleo diet... but I think for right now I really just need to get on the right track in losing weight and then I can try out something more drastic. I know how weight watchers works and I am excited that they have an iPhone app.
There are about 44 more school days left. Also only 17 days until William comes home which is very exciting. I'm a little sad that I won't be able to see him all dressed up in his blues for graduation though. Since graduation is on a Tuesday, I've decided not to go. It's TAKS season and I really can't afford to miss school right now. Maybe I'll make William put on his uniform when he gets home.
Wedding season is coming up. We have a wedding almost every weekend starting the last weekend in April. I'm probably going to get some gifts bought now since our income will lull a little bit when William comes home until all his Halliburton pay kicks back in. William is in two of the weddings... so that's going to be extra exciting. Troy and his fiance Chelsea even asked me to be a part of their wedding which is exciting!
I'm a little nervous what William going back to Halliburton is going to be like. I'm going to stop thinking about it for now though.
Well I guess that's about all I have for this lazy Saturday. I've got some grocery shopping to do and some cleaning/organizing to do around here.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Happy Birthday to You...
24 years ago today, God brought an amazing person into this world.
He can be incredibly silly.
But he is also the most caring person in the world.
His face lights up a room... and my heart.
I love it when he laughs.
I can't believe he picked me.
He commands the presence of a room.
He is so smart.
I love surprising him.
He is obsessed with Sonic.
He loves me way too well.
He sleeps with his mouth open... just. like. this.
He is incredibly smart.
And he hates sun screen.
Today I can say that I have known him for more than half of his life.
When he wraps his arms around me I'm completely safe.
He hates the northeast... but I lived there... so he visited.
He's just a big kid still...
And yet the most amazing man.
He is my rock.
He's definitely a good kisser.
Eating a meal in his company is the best date ever.
Don't let his tough outside fool you...
He's a big softie on the inside.
He wants to shave his head... again.
One day we are going to travel the world together.
He's a proud Aggie... even if he is a 2 percenter.
He chose to proudly serve our country.
He made me a military wife.
He's been with me through thick and thin.
He has long enough arms to take self portraits.
He makes life worthwhile.
Oh... did I mention it's his birthday.
William,
You are the most amazing person I have ever known. You have amazing wisdom and are so brave. I love you down to every tiny annoying habit you have. You make my life worth waking up for every day. There are millions of girls in this world... and you chose me. I can't always believe it.
Today is all about you. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you... but I know you know that I love you and miss you very much. We will celebrate so many things when you come home and your birthday will definitely be one of them. Keep up the good work at school. You are doing something that so many people in this world could never do. Thank you for being the one who volunteered to protect us. You deserve the best birthday party ever for that.
I hope you like your birthday gift. It's coming in the mail tomorrow. Take some pictures... because I know everyone will want to know what I got you. It's just that great!
I'm so very glad that you were born. Happy Birthday!
Love,
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Fancy Foot Work
I went over to Megan's last night to visit her and the boys.
Hayden apparently missed me and demanded my presence. So I obliged him and showed up!
He and Colin were determined to make friends with Lucy tonight. They were trying to be nice to her... but she knows better than to let a child get close to her so she kept running away. Colin kept saying "I like her... I see her tail." Finally Lucy decided to let Hayden get close to her. At this point he starts doing some sort of dance in front of her...
Introducing for the FIRST time... the creative night time underwear dance... performed by Hayden:
(If you are viewing this by email... visit my blog at wandpstephens.blogspot.com to view the videos!)
After this first clip he ran off and said... "Ahhh geeez... not in my underwear."
Priceless.
Then he came back to perform some more... still sans pants:
The last video is great as well... because we get to see another angle of the "squirmy dance":
He was pretty funny last night. Definitely never ceases to amuse me.
Another favorite quote from last night was...
H: Peyton, are you watching Mr. Ed or are you texting... you better not be texting.
P: I promise I'm NOT texting. (I wasn't, I was playing Angry Birds.)
H: Yea... right...
I also really enjoyed talking to Colin and Hayden about William coming home. I asked if they remembered him (it's been 5 months since they've seen him). Colin said "William come home and see us". So cute.... it makes me excited for my kiddos to talk about William like that one day. Plus... they may drive William crazy... but I know that Hayden and Colin both love him lots!
And for a trip down memory lane... here is a picture that was taken almost 6 years ago!
Hayden had no idea how present in his life I would become 4 years later!
Hayden apparently missed me and demanded my presence. So I obliged him and showed up!
He and Colin were determined to make friends with Lucy tonight. They were trying to be nice to her... but she knows better than to let a child get close to her so she kept running away. Colin kept saying "I like her... I see her tail." Finally Lucy decided to let Hayden get close to her. At this point he starts doing some sort of dance in front of her...
Introducing for the FIRST time... the creative night time underwear dance... performed by Hayden:
(If you are viewing this by email... visit my blog at wandpstephens.blogspot.com to view the videos!)
After this first clip he ran off and said... "Ahhh geeez... not in my underwear."
Priceless.
Then he came back to perform some more... still sans pants:
The last video is great as well... because we get to see another angle of the "squirmy dance":
He was pretty funny last night. Definitely never ceases to amuse me.
Another favorite quote from last night was...
H: Peyton, are you watching Mr. Ed or are you texting... you better not be texting.
P: I promise I'm NOT texting. (I wasn't, I was playing Angry Birds.)
H: Yea... right...
I also really enjoyed talking to Colin and Hayden about William coming home. I asked if they remembered him (it's been 5 months since they've seen him). Colin said "William come home and see us". So cute.... it makes me excited for my kiddos to talk about William like that one day. Plus... they may drive William crazy... but I know that Hayden and Colin both love him lots!
And for a trip down memory lane... here is a picture that was taken almost 6 years ago!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Finally
All of my loans are finally consolidated. It has only taken me since October to accomplish this!
Now to work on paying them off quickly. 15% of them down only 85% to go. My goal is to pay off 65% this year!
Now to work on paying them off quickly. 15% of them down only 85% to go. My goal is to pay off 65% this year!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Drool Worthy
William and I have been discussing what to do with our newly acquired tax refund. We planned on saving a lot of it but decided that we deserved to spend some of it on things we would like.
We been throwing the idea around of getting a new TV. Thanks to Dana for making William drool over hers. We love the TV we bought our first weekend of marriage, but it's small and we always planned on upgrading.
I've also been drooling over the iPad 2. They are just so cool. I love new technology - thanks Dad for always making sure we had the latest and greatest.
And there is my other love/hobby that I'd like to think I'm getting good at. Photography. I researched today and after reading review after review I think I've settled on what my next purchase will be: The Nikon 35mm f/1.8 AF-S DX Lens. This is like a 50mm lens on my body due to the not full size nature of my D5000. It has an amazing sharpness and creates a lovely "blurry" effect that can't be achieved with my current lenses. It has a wide angle and lets in a lot of light making it great for indoor portraiture.
So I've been drooling... and contemplating what we should spend our money on. I'll update when we make some decisions!
We been throwing the idea around of getting a new TV. Thanks to Dana for making William drool over hers. We love the TV we bought our first weekend of marriage, but it's small and we always planned on upgrading.
I've also been drooling over the iPad 2. They are just so cool. I love new technology - thanks Dad for always making sure we had the latest and greatest.
And there is my other love/hobby that I'd like to think I'm getting good at. Photography. I researched today and after reading review after review I think I've settled on what my next purchase will be: The Nikon 35mm f/1.8 AF-S DX Lens. This is like a 50mm lens on my body due to the not full size nature of my D5000. It has an amazing sharpness and creates a lovely "blurry" effect that can't be achieved with my current lenses. It has a wide angle and lets in a lot of light making it great for indoor portraiture.
So I've been drooling... and contemplating what we should spend our money on. I'll update when we make some decisions!
MS and me
I grew up with MS. No-- I don't have it. My mom does. That means I cannot tell you what it's like to have MS. I definitely cannot tell you how she feels about it. All I can tell you is what it has meant to me.
My earliest memories are of times after my mom's diagnosis. Sure, I've been told stories about times before I was three years old, but those are not my memories. Those are other people's memories. So all this to say-- I grew up with MS.
Now, to be honest... I do not remember when I knew what MS was. Some time in elementary school I'm sure. My parents never hid the words from me though, which is probably why I cannot remember not knowing what MS was. And I guess even then, I did not know what MS was. I mean sure, I was one of those smart elementary schoolers telling you the definition of demyelination, but I did not really know what MS was. I only knew what it meant to our family.
Here are my memories having to do with MS... seems bleak to list the things I remember about MS in my life as a child.... but stay with me. I'm going somewhere.
I remember shots. My dad giving my mom shots and other people giving my mom shots.
I remember talk of B12, betaseron, interferon, and strong antibiotics that were too many to name.
I remember the curtseys which is was my family lovingly named the little movements my mom made when the nerves in her legs made them almost fall out from under her.
I remember "staying cool". This involved umbrellas, shade and retreating to the inside during hot Houston summers.
I remember lots of trips to doctors... I remember lots of blood draws and how much my mom did not like them.
I remember a Lupus scare which probably hasn't ever gone away.
I remember word finding issues (although only my current vocabulary allows me to describe them as such).
I remember forgetfullness and my mom's probably least favorite phrase to hear out of my mouth "I already told you that!"
Okay, okay, that's enough. You get the idea.
Some of those things weren't fun and may seem like negative memories to most of you. But MS help shaped me into who I am today. Here's how I know...
I used to dream of becoming a doctor and finding the cure for MS. Most kids dream of curing cancer... but not me. Now I have not exactly become a doctor yet and I definitely have not cured MS, but I probably would not be in the medical/therapy world today if it were not for the original dream I had.
I knew a whole lot about autoimmune diseases by the time I, too, was diagnosed with one at 14. My mom knew the statistics of passing the lovely bit of genetics that made me more succesptible to autoimmune diseases and she probably wished and prayed that it would lay dormant in my system forever... but it was such a relief to me to be able to share it with her. Not exactly the warm fuzzy mother daughter bonding you would expect... but nonetheless that's kind of how I look at it. I mean she got me. She understood all the questions and concerns during my diagnosis. She knew to get second opinions. She knew that sometimes I coudln't explain how I felt. She understood what it was like to watch a disease affect what you love and the other people around you. It was way better than going through it alone.
I have been comfortable with doctors, medicine and needles from a young age. While I never could give my mom a shot, I one day had to start giving myself one. I was never afraid of needles and during my diagnosis of RA I went threw tons and tons and tons of sticks. Some kids only see needles at yearly doctor's visits until they are adults. Not me. I also knew the importance of taking medicine and how they all came with side effects and more medicines to treat those.
I learned compassion and perseverance. My mom has always persevered. And MS teaches you that everyone deserves a little compassion for their invisible hurts.
I do not remember my life before MS was a part of it... and I'm not really sure I want to. Sure-- plenty of bad things come from being a part of a family with MS... there are plenty of things I blame it for. But lots of good comes from it too. Things I would not want to change if I had the chance.
Don't worry, I don't like MS that much... I'm still hoping we find the cure!
My earliest memories are of times after my mom's diagnosis. Sure, I've been told stories about times before I was three years old, but those are not my memories. Those are other people's memories. So all this to say-- I grew up with MS.
Now, to be honest... I do not remember when I knew what MS was. Some time in elementary school I'm sure. My parents never hid the words from me though, which is probably why I cannot remember not knowing what MS was. And I guess even then, I did not know what MS was. I mean sure, I was one of those smart elementary schoolers telling you the definition of demyelination, but I did not really know what MS was. I only knew what it meant to our family.
Here are my memories having to do with MS... seems bleak to list the things I remember about MS in my life as a child.... but stay with me. I'm going somewhere.
I remember shots. My dad giving my mom shots and other people giving my mom shots.
I remember talk of B12, betaseron, interferon, and strong antibiotics that were too many to name.
I remember the curtseys which is was my family lovingly named the little movements my mom made when the nerves in her legs made them almost fall out from under her.
I remember "staying cool". This involved umbrellas, shade and retreating to the inside during hot Houston summers.
I remember lots of trips to doctors... I remember lots of blood draws and how much my mom did not like them.
I remember a Lupus scare which probably hasn't ever gone away.
I remember word finding issues (although only my current vocabulary allows me to describe them as such).
I remember forgetfullness and my mom's probably least favorite phrase to hear out of my mouth "I already told you that!"
Okay, okay, that's enough. You get the idea.
Some of those things weren't fun and may seem like negative memories to most of you. But MS help shaped me into who I am today. Here's how I know...
I used to dream of becoming a doctor and finding the cure for MS. Most kids dream of curing cancer... but not me. Now I have not exactly become a doctor yet and I definitely have not cured MS, but I probably would not be in the medical/therapy world today if it were not for the original dream I had.
I knew a whole lot about autoimmune diseases by the time I, too, was diagnosed with one at 14. My mom knew the statistics of passing the lovely bit of genetics that made me more succesptible to autoimmune diseases and she probably wished and prayed that it would lay dormant in my system forever... but it was such a relief to me to be able to share it with her. Not exactly the warm fuzzy mother daughter bonding you would expect... but nonetheless that's kind of how I look at it. I mean she got me. She understood all the questions and concerns during my diagnosis. She knew to get second opinions. She knew that sometimes I coudln't explain how I felt. She understood what it was like to watch a disease affect what you love and the other people around you. It was way better than going through it alone.
I have been comfortable with doctors, medicine and needles from a young age. While I never could give my mom a shot, I one day had to start giving myself one. I was never afraid of needles and during my diagnosis of RA I went threw tons and tons and tons of sticks. Some kids only see needles at yearly doctor's visits until they are adults. Not me. I also knew the importance of taking medicine and how they all came with side effects and more medicines to treat those.
I learned compassion and perseverance. My mom has always persevered. And MS teaches you that everyone deserves a little compassion for their invisible hurts.
I do not remember my life before MS was a part of it... and I'm not really sure I want to. Sure-- plenty of bad things come from being a part of a family with MS... there are plenty of things I blame it for. But lots of good comes from it too. Things I would not want to change if I had the chance.
Don't worry, I don't like MS that much... I'm still hoping we find the cure!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
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