We said good bye to William yesterday. It was so so hard. I kept it together fairly well most of the day. Levi decided to throw a big fit right before we left which made it impossibly hard for me to have my husband say good bye to our screaming baby. William's so great though and knew to assure me that Levi was only crying because he didn't want to nap alone and not because he knew Daddy was leaving.
The airport was another bear. I got a gate escort pass and went to the gate. When it was time for him to board the tears started flowing. I was so glad I got to spend every possible second with him, but that walk out of the airport was the longest emptiest 5 minutes of my life. When we stood in line for him to board people stared but I refused to care. I had no idea what to say to him as he squeezed me and kissed me one last time. So I just told him to "come home". Really? That's all I could come up with? Yes... it was. In reality I'm gripped by fear right now... which I know is just part of the cycle of feelings I'll have over the coming months. Saying it out loud... typing it... seems to help me face it.
People may judge my emotional reaction to this situation. They may call me weak, dramatic, say I should suck it up... but I am strong and will be strong even through tears, frustration, sadness, fear and the rest of what I am feeling. This is my space to be realistic... because all day long I have to keep it together. I didn't cry once at school today (okay maybe once).
I'm really thankful for everyone praying for William. Please keep the 11 other men and their families from his team in your prayers. And also the 12 men and their families on the team I am responsible for calling in the Family Readiness Group.
Oh and I can now say that I would rather birth 1000 babies by C-section rather than say goodbye to William again.
1 comment:
Just because you cry doesn't mean you aren't strong. I have this problem, too. I HATE crying in front of people and seeming "weak". But we are stronger than they would ever understand!
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