So why am I blogging about it now? Well, it's not because we are pregnant. What? You thought this was my pregnancy announcement? Ha. Far from it. It's my unpregnancy announcement. Well sort of. I chose today to "come out" about it because this week is National Infertility Awareness Week.
That's right... I said it... the I word. Here's the part where you tell me we haven't been trying long enough, or that I need to relax, or that "it will happen when it is supposed to happen". And here's the part where I tell you that those are myths and if you say those things to me I'll silently be thinking, "You have no idea how painful this disease is".
Here are the myths shattered (well at least the ones that I feel strongly about at this point):
1. We are 23 and 24 years old. We ARE struggling with infertility. No, it doesn't have to be after the age of 30. It happens to people in their 20's... I promise.
2. We have been trying long enough. Trust me.
3. Just because my husband travels doesn't mean our infertility is because we haven't seen each other. Don't believe me? I'll let you call my doctor.
4. If you open your mouth to say "You can always adopt"... you better think twice. If you ask me if we will consider adoption, I have already developed a canned response for you. (Not saying we wouldn't/aren't considering it... but seriously be more sensitive.) The sentiment is equivalent to saying "Oh, your grandmother died... well don't be sad, you still have another one."
5. There isn't always a quick fix. Everyone seems to know someone who has taken a magic pill that has helped them get pregnant. But it's not always that easy.
6. There is an upside to infertility-- Our marriage has been significantly strengthened by this trial. William has been an amazing support to me and I can't thank him enough for all the selfless things he has done for me. I can't imagine going through this with anyone else.
Just like when I blogged during MS Awareness Week, there are some facts I think you should be aware of:
1. 1 out of 8 couples will suffer from infertility.
2. One third is caused by a female factor, one third is caused by a male factor and one third is a combination of both... it's NOT a women's disease.
3. 44% of women with infertility seek medical assistance. Of those women, only 65% will give birth.
4. Fertility treatments are most likely not covered by insurance. Even if you have "good" insurance. Our insurance company covers diagnostic testing... and then the money stops there.
5. Most recent statistics suggest that IVF from non-donor eggs is 28% successful in the US. (OH and it costs $5-10K a cycle...see above fact for how much this sucks.)
So what can you do for us?
Just be supportive.
Recognize the side effects which are, but not limited to.... bitterness, depression, increased motivation, flakiness, mood swings, hot flashes, and spousal arguing among other things.
Understand that we are grieving. We are finally reaching a place of peace about what we have been dealt but it's been a long hard road.
Respect our privacy. This is a tough thing to deal with. Many people do not share about this process at all. I was somehow graced with the God-given trait of bearing-it-all but my husband was not. We do talk about it but on our terms. (Sorry we get to be selfish here.)
If we want your advice or your opinion, we will ask for it.
If you are pregnant, I don't mind listening to you complain... but I'm going to complain right back. Because fertility treatments have many common side effects with pregnancy but don't end in the amazing reward of a child all that often. :) Don't worry... I'm still happy for you!
Most importantly, remember that people without children aren't always that way because it's what they have chosen. Sometimes it is because that is what life has dealt them.
For more information, click the button below or visit the Resolve website.
For the most part, I will not blog about infertility here. If something huge happens I'll share when it's appropriate... but for now... I'll spare you the details.
3 comments:
Hey Girl,
I personally don't know what you're going through but I have an idea. It seems like right now most of my friends are going through this. I will definitely be praying for you guys and the doctors.
I have a story for you, no its not a "why don't you adopt" story, its a story of God's provision and I love telling it. If you stop reading now, I understand.
My sister-in-law (my husband's sister and her husband) were told that they weren't going to have kids on their own. There were infertility problems on both of their parts and since Amy is a doctor she really understood all of the medical stuff to go along with infertility. They did several infertility treatment stuff (I really don't know what goes along with that) and they decided to adopt a girl from China. About 3 years later after they started the adoption process they adopted Sydney from China! Since it took so long to adopt Sydney they decided to put in adoption papers for another girl as soon as they got home. They were home with Sydney for a month and then they got pregnant. 9 months later Amy gave birth to a perfectly healthy boy, Peter. He was their "miracle" child. 2 years later they went back to China to adopt Kate. They were home for 3 months and learned that they were pregnant again with Ethan! After Amy gave birth my brother in law got the " snip snip" Now, this "infertile couple" has 4 very healthy kids under the age of 6; 2 beautiful Chinese girls and 2 very white, blond -headed blue-eyed boys. All this after doctors told them it was impossible.
Isn't it great to know that we worship a God who is the giver of all life and the one and only Great Physician who has made our bodies in a certain way for a very particular reason.
Love you, and praying for you
Peyton, I did not know you and William were trying. We will definitely be praying for you both. I can't imagine what you have been going through. Just know we are praying for you two. God has a perfect timing for these precious babies.
Good for you for sharing! It is a hard thing to go through. I am incredibly lucky to have a very treatable issue, and to have had friends like you who shared their journey and encouraged me to take charge of my own fertility from the beginning. I know firsthand how lucky we are that the longest we've had to try (and wait and try and wait) is 7 months. The waiting is agony, but not knowing why you're waiting (and having nobody who understands) is worse. I hope you are getting the answers and support you need and I will be praying for you on this journey!
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