More than pictures...

Well... I need to start writing.  Words.  Because the more I post pictures the more I know I'm just avoiding how I really feel.

We said good bye to William yesterday.  It was so so hard.  I kept it together fairly well most of the day.  Levi decided to throw a big fit right before we left which made it impossibly hard for me to have my husband say good bye to our screaming baby.  William's so great though and knew to assure me that Levi was only crying because he didn't want to nap alone and not because he knew Daddy was leaving.

The airport was another bear.  I got a gate escort pass and went to the gate.  When it was time for him to board the tears started flowing.  I was so glad I got to spend every possible second with him, but that walk out of the airport was the longest emptiest 5 minutes of my life. When we stood in line for him to board people stared but I refused to care.  I had no idea what to say to him as he squeezed me and kissed me one last time.  So I just told him to "come home". Really? That's all I could come up with? Yes... it was. In reality I'm gripped by fear right now... which I know is just part of the cycle of feelings I'll have over the coming months.  Saying it out loud... typing it... seems to help me face it.

People may judge my emotional reaction to this situation.  They may call me weak, dramatic, say I should suck it up... but I am strong and will be strong even through tears, frustration, sadness, fear and the rest of what I am feeling. This is my space to be realistic... because all day long I have to keep it together.  I didn't cry once at school today (okay maybe once).

I'm really thankful for everyone praying for William. Please keep the 11 other men and their families from his team in your prayers.  And also the 12 men and their families on the team I am responsible for calling in the Family Readiness Group.

Oh and I can now say that I would rather birth 1000 babies by C-section rather than say goodbye to William again.

Arboretum/8 months

William and I took Levi to the arboretum on Friday. Here are some pictures.

Here are some videos of my 8 month old.

In other news he took his first step on Saturday. There were witnesses.  I hadn't said anything about it until now because I was trying hard to recreate it for William before this afternoon.  

34 weeks

Pardon the lateness of these photos... we are very busy having fun with our daddy.

 First hair cut

We also had two other firsts today.  Levi fell this morning and bled everywhere.  He just cut his gum... but it still wasn't fun. 

Also, I gave Levi a teething biscuit today and he choked on it.  I did the finger sweep and got a good hunk of it out but didn't realize until a few seconds later that he still couldn't breathe. I almost told William to call 911 but I ripped him out of the high chair and flipped him upside down... I was about to start whacking him on the back when William screamed "He's coughing! He's okay!" Ugh. So scary.

Crazy kid. 

Phone dump

 New favorite toy...

 My teacher friend's son, Austin, and William! So cute!

 The sign my school made for William!

 Naked baby!

 Naked baby standing in a car drinking milk

Naked baby in a tub with a crab riding on a boat

Random Tidbits

Being financially solvent and rich are two different things. Someone who can afford the things they need and can buy things they want occasionally is not necessarily rich.  Having zero credit card debt or any other debt other than a house is not being rich.  Saving money doesn't mean you are rich. Setting up savings accounts, 529s and other things for your son and your future is financial solvency.

Sometimes we are a little sad when people think we are rich. We aren't rich. But we are financially secure because we have planned.